Once more, I have a celebrity advice seeker from beyond the grave. Norris McWhirter of Record Breakers fame has written: “In 1955 my twin brother Ross and I persuaded a brewery to back a compendium of world records, and one has been published every year since. I consider myself to be something of an authority on world records - after all in 1954 I kept time when Roger Bannister ran the four minute mile. I have personally overseen numerous mass tap-dance and domino toppling records. So when spotted a rival world record page - run by some whippersnapper no doubt, I was almost as angry and disappointed as I was when my 1985 defamation case against Spitting Image failed. What should I do to fend off this johnny-come-lately challenger? Should I once more invoke the legal system? Should I call on some of the rougher people I've met through my record documenting career? PS. Any advice on how I can posthumously revive the flagging Conservative party would also be welcome.”
Well, Norris, I would suggest you have nothing to fear from this youngster, as your compendium consists of world records of a totally different nature from the keepers of the Canal House record vault. Whilst your book includes such pointless and quite frankly laughable records as world’s heaviest lemon, most kicks to the head in one minute (self) and world’s biggest liar (why does anyone believe him??) Stefan’s world records contains such highly esteemed titles as most sun lollies eaten in one day (not cola) and fastest downing of a blue WKD. You could send in Archie Moore, but that wouldn’t be very nice or effective since he's dead. PS. No idea how to give advice on that one, sorry! Hope that helps, Norris.