So unselfish and helpful is my advice to others that I am willing to give advice to a person who may well be in competition with me.
Doctor Guy Dance asks:"I am a fellow professional advice giver and have been giving advice for some years now. However, sometimes I don't get sent very good problems and this makes it hard to give good advice. After all, as you must be aware, nothing attracts bad advice as much as a bad problem does. Sometimes the issue is so acute that I actually have no problems to give any advice on at all. Usually I make up some stupid story involving immoral activities between sad teenagers or something. That often does the trick. How could I make up better problems? I'd really like my column in the Weeekend Advertiser for Northern Knutsford to become as respected as your esteemed site, but I feel I am let down by the quality and quantity of the problems I have."
Well, luckily the people who write to me have very real and disturbing problems which makes it easy to dispense my excellent advice. In order to gain a better quality of problem I suggest you gather your friends together, provide vodka and lock them in a room. Throwing around a few rumours and stirring up trouble is also good. Eventually, they will get themselves into some sticky situation and require your advice. Failing that, they may drink so much that they lose all recollection and you can pretend got up to all sorts. This is an excellent way of gaining a non stop flow of high quality problems. Hope that helps, Doctor.